Sex at its best in sixty ways

As much as sex is a basic instinct and an inbuilt phenomenon of the spirit, soul and body, it has been observed that many couples do not know where it all begins from. The lack of this knowledge has made many couples to believe that sex cannot be very sweet, fantastic and pleasurable with just only one partner. Some spouses are looking for sexual pleasure and satisfaction in some other people [apart from their partner] as regards shape, colour, look or smell than their partner. But the real truth of the matter here is that sex with any person, with fantastic shape, smell, look, size or colour starts from the same biological or animalistic location of the participant; it begins from the same physiological spot in the body all the time.

One, the actual difference which many people are ignorant of is the root of the immediate trigger; this means that the trigger point or the arousal point, or the desire point is always the level of the transformations or changes.

Two, so, let’s see where sex starts from. Where does sex start from, the brain, the mind or the eyes?

 Three, human brain is a very complex structure that controls the glands that produce sex hormones. The human brain is intricately linked to our sexuality. The brain cells are not made from one single component and are not isolated from the rest of the body, but the major action of the brain is to diffuse neurotransmitters, an important element for the human sexuality.

 Four, the centre of a human brain manages the ‘instinctive’ reactions of the sexuality: this centre receives information from its surroundings, [ which most times are from our triggers, tastes, preferences and stimulants] from the entire body [ when we are being touched, caroused, stroke and fondled] and, according to the situation, [ which is either we are horny, aglow, or stimulated beyond a point which we can’t resist and all we just wanted is either penetrative sex  causes instinctive reactions to receive or reject sexual desire.

Five, when a spouse’s body receives information coming from his or her partner, this information is sent to the ‘instinct’ part of the brains. The instinct asks the ‘emotion’ what it thinks.

 Six, emotion then checks its memory whether events linked to the situation are good or bad experiences. At the same time, ‘logic’ analyses the feasibility of action in terms of social norms, moral principles, hurt or rejection level and stress level.

Seven, if the answers come back positive, ‘instinct’ can trigger hormonal secretions that control the suitable sexual response. When ‘instinct’ receives authorisation to react, it also triggers the release of several hormones such as neurohormonal and neurotransmitter products.

 Eight, these products stimulate both ‘emotion’ (giving the desire for pleasure) and ‘logic’ (arousing the production of fantasies and happy marital union). This same hormone also triggers a weakening of all inhibitive elements that could obstruct action (at this stage, many couples forget their fears and dare to do what they wouldn’t normally do as regards sexual fantasies).

 Nine, the presence of a desire for one’s spouse sets off hormonal triggers repeatedly again and again but with constant repetition, the glands reduce secretions which most times leads to less arousal, less excitement and by this stage, the habitual presence of one’s spouse becomes increasingly weaker.

 Ten, at this stage, a partner reaches a state of low sexual arousal as an effect of daily routine. However, routine sex is inevitable in a marriage relationship, what a couple should do is to make an effort to renew arousal by getting ‘emotion’ back into play.  Couples need to know how to invent new situations for arousal to keep the flame aglow. This is because on average, a woman thinks about sex five times per day while men think about sex 13 times per day.

 Eleven, one of the secrets to a lasting and mutually fulfilled sexual relationship is the shared pleasure the brain triggers in a couple’s sexual experiences.

Twelve, moreover, since sexual arousal begins in the brain and is visible on the various parts of the erogenous zones, married couples can enjoy sensual stimulation by understanding these erogenous zones.

Thirteen, the erogenous zones are the parts of the body that are particularly sensitive to touch. This is because they have many more sensory nerve endings. Stimulating these parts of the body, when there is mutual attraction, usually results in the brain sending strong sensations and sexual excitement moods.

Fourteen, the entire surface of the skin is exogenously sensitive, but some parts of the body have heightened sensitivity. From the head downwards, these are the lips, ear lobes, the nape of the neck, the armpits, the breasts, the hands, the stomach, the buttocks, the genitals, the inner thighs, the back of the knees and the feet.

Fifteen, not all erogenous zones respond the same way. Although many of the zones may be the same, they do vary from individual to individual. Therefore, it is important to know and study one’s spouse’s erogenous zones.

 Sixteen, ask them what they like and remember that the way a partner caresses is as important as the caress itself. In addition, do not forget that you can use your fingers, mouth, or any other part of your body to caress and stimulate your spouse’s erogenous zones.

 Seventeen, majority of husbands enjoy having their nipples stimulated, since both men and women have nipples. These nipples are very sensitive to touch and become hard when stimulated. However, while most women enjoy having their nipples stimulated, not all men do. However, it could be that some men simply have not tried it, and so they do not know what they are missing.

 Eighteen, to discover this, wife, try sucking your partner’s nipples, nibbling or stroking them. He is sure to tell you what he thinks.

 Nineteen, the interconnectivity of the brain and the rest of the body makes it necessary that the male and female body need to be prepared for sexual intercourse before vaginal penetration. Foreplay, which is clearly a source of pleasure, actually helps to prepare the body for the subsequent stages of sexual response.

Twenty, touching and caressing your partner’s body triggers a number of active brain cell and physiological reactions: heart rate and breathing increase and the genitals become engorged with blood.

Twenty-one, without foreplay and arousal, there will be no signal from the brain; there will be no erection, no vaginal lubrication and certainly, no orgasm! However, remember: everyone is different; some people take longer than others to become aroused while others may have very specific preferences. In spite of all these, some spouses still fail to become aroused during foreplay.

Twenty-two, the act of touching someone does not automatically lead to sexual arousal as the person being touched has to be receptive. First of all, he or she needs to feel comfortable with his or her spouse. Sometimes many couples are advised to engage in sensual telephone conversation.

Twenty-three, they are advised to say sexual, sensual and erotic things to their spouse on the phone; this does not only help some couples who find it very difficult to communicate, it also helps to break the hindrances of shyness and lack of boldness and help them make foreplay become verbal, visual and easily acceptable.

 Twenty-four, the caution here is do not say what you can’t see happen. During telephone foreplay, say what you wish to happen but find it very difficult to pass across. Say what you are anticipating. While you are talking, please let your voice be very low, with a slow peach, sexy, carnal and literally caressing as if your finger is actually on the skin of your partner.

 Twenty-five, so, sexual satisfaction is not 100 per cent because of look, shape; it is actually a high percentage of where it starts from.

 Twenty-six, one thing that is very obvious about life is that it is not static. Everything in life appreciates and information increases.  It has been discovered that some sexual information from sexual researchers especially in the patterns of men’s and women’s sex drive vary. Couples should bear in mind that individuals may vary from these norms.

 Twenty-six, according to the National Opinion Research Centre, the average couple reports having sex 66 times a year. Couples under age 30 say they have sex an average of 109 times a year.

 Twenty-seven, the average number drops to 70 times per year for 40-somethings and 52 times a year for couples in their 50s.

 Experts say men’s and women’s sex drives differ; they say women’s sexual inclinations are more complicated than men are. While men may be rigid and specific about what they become aroused by, women have less-directed sex drives.

 Twenty-nine, researchers say women are more likely to be more influenced by lots of irrelevant things and factors. Sexual desire in women is extremely sensitive to environment and context.

 Thirty, experts say men score higher in libido, while women’s sex drive is more about intimacy.

Thirty-one, that does not mean that men do not seek intimacy, love, and connection in a relationship, just as women do; most men crave more foreplay, they just view the role of sex differently. Women want to talk first, connect first, and then have sex.

Thirty-two, for men, sex is the connection. Sex is the language men use to express their tender loving vulnerable side. It is their language of intimacy. Study after study illustrates that men’s sex drives are not only stronger than women’s are, but also much more straightforward.

Thirty-three, the sources of women’s libidos, by contrast, are much more difficult to pin down. It is common wisdom that women place more value on emotional connection as a spark of sexual desire.

Thirty-four, men want sex more often than women at the start of a relationship, in the middle of it, and after many years of it. About two-thirds say they masturbate, even though they feel guilty about it, they are forced to masturbate because they are constantly being refused by their wives. Eighty something percentage of married men confessed having cheated on their wives though they say they feel guilty about it, they also gave the reason for this – their wives’ deliberate insensitivities to their sexual fantasies, need and lack of innovation and tastelessness.

Thirty-five, men and women travel slightly different paths to arrive at sexual desire. I hear women say in my office that sexual desire originates much more between their ears than between their legs. For most married women, there is a need for a plan hence, the romance affection and the foreplay.

Thirty-six, it is more about the anticipation, how you get there; it is the longing that is the fuel for desire.  Women’s desire is more contextual, more subjective, more layered on a lattice of emotion. Men, by contrast, don’t need to have nearly as much imagination, since sex is simpler and more straightforward for them.

Thirty-seven, most married women are more influenced by the attitudes of their peer group in their decisions about sex. Wives who are not ‘religious’ are likely to have liberal attitudes about sex, they let go and release themselves to the pleasure sex has to offer than the most ‘religious’ ones.

Thirty-eight, married women with higher education levels are more likely to have performed a wider variety of sexual practices; education made less of a difference with men. Women are more likely to show inconsistency between their expressed values about sexual activities.

Thirty-nine, most married women under age 60 think about sex less than once a day.

Forty, while the majority of married men under 60 think about sex at least once a day, only about one-quarter of married women report this level of frequency.

Forty-one, as men and women age, each fantasise less, but married men still fantasise about twice as often.

Forty-two, men reported more spontaneous sexual arousal and had more frequent and varied fantasies. There are beautifying natural libido enhancers that can help women, please contact me.

Forty-three, older married women are more likely to experience orgasm when sex is within the context of a faithful and loving relationship.

Forty-four, married women over 50 are more likely to report orgasm when a sexual event takes place in a totally strange environment.

Forty-five, researchers speculate that long separated spouses coming together may find the novelty of a new experience arousing.

Forty-six, most second round sex is safe and healthy, sex therapists say. In addition, it can improve sexual function and relationships by teaching both spouses about their own sexual responses, so they are better able to explain to their partner what feels good to them. However, a spouse who becomes too obsessed with third round sex may develop sexual problems or lose interest in sex with their partners.

Forty-seven, women experience orgasms differently from men, while researchers find it tricky to try to quantify issues like the differing quality of male vs. female orgasms, they do have data on how long it takes men and women to get there.

 Forty-eight, men on average take four minutes from the point of entry until ejaculation; [ideal time should be at least 10 minutes] anything lower than this is considered to be premature ejaculation. If you suffer premature ejaculation, please contact me.  Women usually take around 15 to 18 minutes to reach orgasm.

Forty-nine, that is another difference between the sexes on how often they have an orgasm during sex. Among married men, 75 per cent of them report that they always have an orgasm with their wives while 29 per cent of married women report that they always have an orgasm with their husbands.

Fifty, most married women cannot have an orgasm without direct stimulation of the clitoris, so they need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. For women who have trouble achieving orgasm, incorporating clitoral stimulation into sexual activity may be all that is necessary.

Fifty-one, the G-spot is a sexually sensitive part of a woman’s anatomy found in the anterior vaginal wall. The G-spot is a region found behind the pubic bone that has been credited as the trigger for a vaginal (vs. clitoral) orgasm, and even a catalyst for female ejaculation.

Fifty-two, however, some experts note that there is no unique anatomical structure where the G-spot is supposed to be located. If the G-spot exists, it is best described as an erogenous zone rather than a part of a woman’s anatomy.

 Fifty-three, a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that the duration before an average married man ejaculates during sexual intercourse from the beginning of vaginal penetration until ejaculation was 7.4 minutes, while the appropriate time should be 12 to 15 minutes.

Fifty-four, the average penis length is between eight and 10 inches when erect and averages around 4.6 inches when flaccid.

Fifty-five, a man’s flaccid penis varies in size considerably because of various environmental factors and their effects on the sympathetic nervous system. Cold water and cold air are perhaps the best-known causes of this “shrinkage” phenomenon, but psychological stress can do the same thing.

Fifty-six, it is advisable to stay off stress and if you have a shrinking penis, kindly contact me.

Fifty-seven, only 10 per cent of married men reported a preference for oral sex to achieve orgasm, while six per cent of married women reported that preference. Men are more likely to reach orgasm when sex includes vaginal intercourse, but women are more likely to reach orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts that include vaginal intercourse or real foreplay sex.

Fifty-eight, masturbation can cause injury; frequent or overly vigorous masturbation can irritate the skin of the penis, and men who masturbate facedown can injure their urethras; this has been a major cause of erectile dysfunction for many who masturbate.

Fifty-nine, sexual activity can reduce the risk of stroke and heart attack in older couples. While couples with a history of stroke or heart disease should consult their sex therapist about sexual activity, for the most part, sex is a healthy form of exercise for older people.

 Sixty, researchers who tracked 914 married men for 20 years found that having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half, compared with those who had sex less than once a month. They also found frequency of sex was not associated with stroke.

Question and answers

Can I use medical marijuana for cure of chronic premature ejaculation?

Hi Funmi, a friend of mine suggested the use of medical marijuana for the cure of chronic premature ejaculation. He said he had been suffering from chronic premature ejaculation from his teen and it was the use of medical marijuana that bailed him out.

Mr. Doutimiwei Matthew

 Medical marijuana is not a drug for the treatment of chronic premature ejaculation or any form of erectile dysfunction. Medical marijuana is any part of the marijuana plant that is under the broad name DDA (dangerous drug of addiction), being used under a high level of caution to treat health problems. It is usually being used to get relief from their symptoms, not to try to get high. When a man that has premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction challenge takes it, such person will ONLY get high and be hyper euphoric. It does not cure but cut circuit the normal body system functionality.

What medical marijuana does is to help ease pain, nausea and loss of appetite in people who have cancer and HIV.

Some research suggests medical marijuana may cut down seizures in people with epilepsy. If you don’t have a case like the ones mentioned, I would advise you don’t go near it because the effects of a marijuana pill can be strong and long-lasting. This makes it hard to predict how it will affect a person.

 This is scary

 Hi Funmi, I just put to bed few days ago, how soon can I resume sex? This is my first pregnancy and I am just 23 years of age. Then, I need a clarification here please; I notice my baby boy always has a strong erection whenever I change his diaper or bathe him. In short, even when the penis is not touched, I notice a swelling each time I look at his penis. Is this normal?

 Mrs. Grace Olelehju

 Actually, you can resume sex after three days if you are medically certified. I need you to know that baby boys could get erections; it often happens just before they pee.  Just like any adult man always has a form of erection prior to when they want to pee. We don’t know exactly why, but it’s nothing to be worried or ashamed about. You might even see one on an ultrasound, before he’s born.

His penis may look large at birth, and that’s normal, too. His hormones and mom play a role, as well as bruising and swelling from the birth process. I think you should also know the following since it looks like you are a first time mother.

 Their first poop doesn’t stink, the black, tar-like stuff called meconium is made up of mucus, fluid from the womb, and anything else they digested while inside mom. But it doesn’t yet have the gut bacteria that make poop smelly. As soon as you start feeding a baby, bacteria will start colonising their intestines. After a day or so, bowel movements become green, yellow, or brown — with that familiar odour.

 Sometimes infants stop breathing, especially when they’re sleeping, they may pause without a breath for five to 10 seconds — just enough time to make a new mom or dad panic. Irregular breathing is normal. (But if your baby stops breathing for a longer time, it’s a medical emergency.) When babies are excited or after crying, they may take more than 60 breaths in a minute.

Their tonsils have taste buds, although a baby has about the same number of taste sensors as kids and younger adults, they cover more areas, including the tonsils and the back of the throat. A newborn can taste sweet, bitter, and sour, but not salty (until around five months). It’s a matter of survival: Breast milk is sweet, while bitter and sour may be harmful. When they start on solid food, they’ll tend to like the same things mom ate while pregnant and breastfeeding.

 They cry without tears, at first. Babies start crying around 2-3 weeks, but tears don’t show up until they’re about a month old. Late afternoon and early evening are prime fussing time. Often, it’s for no reason, and nothing you do will help.

“Peak crying” is around 46 weeks after gestation, or age 6-8 weeks for full-term babies. After three months, the storm has usually passed. (Preemies tend to be older, since they were born early.)

 Newborns have breasts, when they’re first born, both boys and girls can look like they have small breasts. These may even leak milk! Don’t squeeze the firm little lumps though. They form because babies absorb estrogen from mom, and they’ll usually go away within a few weeks. Baby girls could also have a mini period that lasts a few days.

 I am pregnant but want sex every day, am I normal?

 Hi Funmi, please help; my husband said I am a rare breed and that there may be a need for me to seek spiritual intervention. I am confused, please help. The issue is that I am pregnant but since the very first day of my pregnancy, I have developed an insatiable appetite for sex. It’s like if I don’t have sex each day, I may get sick. It is so bad that most time, I beg him not to travel because I might not be able to hold my desire. I am really confused, do you think there is a need for me to seek spiritual intervention? This only happens when I am pregnant. And this is my second pregnancy.

 Mrs. Faith Theresa

 You fall into the category of wives that develop a very strong sexual appetite when pregnant and this is basically as a result of some hormonal and chemical over- secretion and interplay. It usually stops after delivery.  I do not think it is an issue of seeking spiritual intervention, but you should be able to control your gratification to a certain extent. If you are careful to notice, you will discover that your vaginal secretions generally have a much stronger odour during pregnancy than at other times, so it is advisable to know your make-up. Besides, how much you want and enjoy sex can also vary from pregnancy to pregnancy, not only from one woman to another, but also in the same woman at different times throughout the pregnancy period. You will also have noticed that you have been having serial orgasm or multiple orgasms while pregnant.

What is HRT

Hi, I have had four caesarian section births which made me decide to have my tubes tied because the third and the fourth pregnancies were results of family planning failure. That was why my husband and I decided to have my tube tied to prevent further pregnancy since all the methods of family planning we engaged in never worked for me. But recently, I noticed that I have entered my menopause way before the time, and, I am just 38 years old.  This is seriously affecting my sex life. I am one of the few women that really love to have sex, almost daily. A friend of mine suggested I have HRT injection, that she had it and it has not only revived her sex life but improved her general look. She said it is an injection that makes a woman look 10 years younger than her age, and she is really looking great.

Mrs. Eno Echoisa

 Well, what works for Juliet might not work for Cecilia. Before I give you my view, let me tell you what you should know about HRT which is also called hormonal replacement therapy.

Menopause marks the end of a woman’s fertile years and her menstrual cycle. But most women don’t get there overnight. By that time, estrogen and other hormones start dropping off anywhere from four to eight years before the last period. Others have sleep trouble, headaches, or mood changes.

As for your case, you perhaps entered your menopause earlier because you did a tube tie surgery which is another form of family planning method which is most likely irreversible.

However, hormone replacement therapy is designed to help with those challenges and helps to enjoy sex more. Most women who use it take a combination of estrogen and progesterone. Estrogen is what helps most with symptoms like hot flashes and vaginal dryness; progesterone is added to protect against uterine cancer and bone loss (osteoporosis).

But it has been discovered that it has lots and lots of side effects such as the feeling of bloated or have breast soreness. Nausea, dizziness, headaches, and blurry vision are also possible side effects, as is vaginal bleeding. While HRT may work well to ease menopausal symptoms, a study by the Women’s Health Initiative found that it can make some women more likely to have certain health conditions. Those include heart disease, stroke, and breast cancer. HRT can also raise your chances of blood clots called deep vein thrombosis, or DVT. If you’re looking for drug-free help for hot flashes and night sweats, try cutting back on soda drinks and hot beverages, lowering the thermostat, and wearing lightweight, breathable clothes.

Why is the size of the penis a big deal to today’s ladies?

 I thought the size of the penis was a big deal only to men but one of the criteria today’s girls want to date you is to ask if you are big down there. I have a small penis and the moment a lady knows how small it is, is the same moment they stop picking my calls or start behaving funny. What is wrong with today’s ladies?

Prince Pius Okobam

Frankly speaking, penis size is not really a big deal to many ladies, maybe you are quite unfortunate to fall victim to those who place unusual emphasis on it or it becomes a matter of concern when the men in their lives fail to use the penis well regardless of size, shape or look. Penis size is a key element of a man’s self-image in relationship. A  man’s sense of identity is often defined by his penis and many believe that bigger is better, but in reality, that’s far from the truth. In fact, studies suggest that, other than a boost in confidence, larger penises don›t afford the men who have them with any extra prowess in the bed. Big things really do come in small packages. The truth is, no matter what someone’s penis size is, creativity and a willingness to experiment can be key to be a good sex partner.

  I am not just comfortable with this

 Let me commend you by saying you’re doing a fantastic job.  I’m really impressed with what you are doing. I usually read online newspapers but today, something prompted me to go out to buy a copy of a newspaper which has to do with your column. I’m a first-timer to your column and I just finished reading your last edition.

I’m really excited to have come across your column. Is it right for married women to engage in anal-sex? My husband in particular asked me for anal sex today after I’d agreed to do everything  like blow-job (of which it took me like 2yrs before I  finally succumbed), I  am  sorry I  have to use the word the way it’s in my mind apart from anal-sex. It’s not that he wants it at all cost but sometimes he wishes he could experience it (you know men). Please advise me, I don’t want him to go out and experience it; that does not mean I want to do it either because I personally think it is not good healthwise.

 Justina Sunariseh

Blow job is okay provided your husband does not have other sex partners, because if they do, there might be possibilities of sexually transmitted infection leading to cancer of the throat. The most important thing here is that you should follow your conviction and just explain your stand to your husband and as a loving husband and father of your children, I am sure he will want to give up on one or two sacrifices for the sanity and stability of the home also. Anal sex is not a do or die affair; if he can be getting satisfaction in other areas and it is obvious that he has not been denied sex, then if this is the only area you asked for permission to be excused, I think at least for the sake of the home, he should grant you the permission.

  My husband is under undue pressure, any way out?

I am currently nursing our first child and as much as I want to make love to my husband, I just cannot do it because I have discovered that I have a pelvic inflammatory disease. As a result of this, my husband is under undue sexual pressure. What can I do? Is there any way out?

Modinatu Arepoloya

Pelvic inflammation though can be very painful with excruciating pains, it can be treated and cured. What you need do foremost is get treated. While you are undergoing the treatment [which may sometimes take a while], there are other ways you could help your husband ease himself from the undue sexual pressure he is. One, you can give him some non-sexual pleasure such as good love plays or foreplay. By this, he will be a bit relieved momentarily. Secondly you can both take time out to just relax in each other’s arms and find solace with one another. When you show him you are genuinely interested in him by the above gestures, he will be encouraged to hold on a little while for you. But you need to treat yourself first so as to fully perform your marital obligations without any pain.